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Thinking about love [06 Jun 2008|12:44am] I've come to realize that the love I have for L isn't real. It's really just a strong crush. I've also come to realzie that the more I don't talk to S the more I miss him and the more I'm falling for him. In my yearbook Taylor told me to ask S out. I told him I wouldn't unless I knew he liked me back. Taylor asked and S said he used to like me and then I did something and then he didn't. Taylor wouldn't even tell me what I did. He said S was his friend and he couldn't break the trust they had. How does he think that makes me feel? Does he think that answer will calm my emotions down? Does he think I'll stop liking S just because he doesn't like me? When I fall for someone I fall hard. Take Z for instance, I liked him up until I met L. Then for L I liked him until he stopped talking to me everday and I came to realize how much I liked S. Now I like S alot and he won't even take the chance to either A) see what it'd be like with me or B) let me talk to him about the situation. I'm so ready to take a chance with him and he won't get his head out of his ass and be a man. Why can things be simple? Why can't we just all stay little and have our biggest fears be about what we'd have for lunch that day or if we'd play tag or duck, duck, goose? I know people say love, loss, and remorse are all just a part of growing up but why does getting older have to hurt? post comment

A friend is... [02 Apr 2008|09:24pm] [ mood | happy ] A friend is loyal, unselfish, has different and shared opinions, makes you kaugh, makes you feel better especially when you feel down on yourself, puts up with your crazy antics, puts up with your mood swings when you’re on your period. A friend is Jessie, Kelsea, Antonio, Jenny, Melissa, Logan, Chelsea, Kylie, Sara, Les, Brent, all my Rachels, Mckenzie, Erin, Alex, Amanda, Brittni, Tori, Andria, Lynndsie, Lei-Lei, Brooke, and Sheldon, just to name a few. post comment

I'm just a kid [29 Mar 2008|09:37pm]  I can't help but feel as if he favors them. I'm know I'm supposed to be the adult here and realize that they're children, they need special attention. The thing that no one seems to get is that I'm just a kid too. I'm trying to get along in life like everyone else. That's why the whole "tiger incident" really gets me. I was trying to tell him something and he was just focusing on her. "Oh look at this. How cute!" "Hmm do you think Paris would like this?" "Well I like it." "I think she would." "You're not listening." "I think I should buy this for her." "Whatever." "No it's to big. I'll buy her another tiger doll instead." I know it sounds petty but....I just feel as if I'm a burden to him now'a days. I feel as if everytime I do something or say something he thinks 'God is she ever going to leave me alone?' I know I have it better than some people but that doesnt mean I don't hurt. post comment

.... [21 Mar 2008|12:45am] I'm over her. I guess I have been ever since I saw her making out with the bitch. I just finally admitted it. I've stopped talking to the bitch but she still talks to me from time to time. I'm hoping she'll say something in front of me and some of my friends. That way we can report her. Hopefully it will be in front of Rachel or Caerensa because I know they won't change their story last minute. It's been awkward between me and....her ever since the whole P.E. thing. I try not to think too much about it but it still comes up every once in a while. I know someone else I like now though. He's....amazing. He's sweet and kind and loving. He treats his girls right. He's smart and cool and....almost perfect. There's only two bad things about him. He's always putting himself down and...he only likes me as a friend. I'll talk to him and we'll share (almost) everything.We'll give each other advice and try and cheer each other up. Basically, we'll just talk. I think the bravest I've been with him is too tell him that he was cute. -sigh- I wish I knew someone I could talk about everything with. I could tell them what happened during the day, how I feel, things I wouldn't want anyone else to know. And they wouldn't judge me. They'd listen and comfort me. Talk to me and give me advice. Things like that. No one like that actually exist though. I guess that's why I have a journal. post comment

It hurts [20 Mar 2008|01:01am] Knowing who he likes and who likes him. I really like him but he'll only see me as a friend. It sucks! People get so comfortable with someone that they couldn't possibly imagine dating them. And of course I can't tell him that I like him. That would have horrible reprecussions. I'm only brave enough to call him cute and that's it. Why can't things ever turn out the way you want them too? post comment

For Mollie McKee (no it’s not a fucking apology) [27 Feb 2008|09:59pm] Yea so what if you called me fat? At least I have a better personality than you fucking do. Y'know I could have done a lot worse than just ignore you. I could have hit you but I didn't. Not because I didn't want to hurt you but because that would have me kicked out of Cinderella. I could have cursed you out and yelled and screamed but that would only make you feel bad for a while. I could have torn you down the way you tried with me. I know how insecure you are about your figure and face. I could have told you that you were fat or ugly or something equally worse. But I didn't want to sink down to your level. Y'see, I may get into a lot of fights with people, I may curse, and hit, and shout, but I would never attack someone the way you did. So go ahead, call me fat or call me whatever you want. Just know that at the end of the day, I'll know that at least I'm not as bad as you. post comment

I know they mean well [23 Feb 2008|11:57pm] I know they mean well, but my friends are really starting to get annoying. They don't seem to understand. I don't want to go to church. It's not because I don't believe in God and Christ or whatever because I do, really. I don't go for different reasons. Becuase I'm not entirely sure of what I am. Because I don't believe in what church says. Becuase I don't want to become something I'm not. I'm Christian one minute and Agnostic the next. I don't believe in sins. I believe in points of view. Some of my friends used to be so cool and unique. Everyday, every second was exciting and spontanious. Now I can pretty much guess where every conversation is going to go. To church. My friend Eric, when he started going to church he believed in it so much that he said he was going to Hell for being gay. My friend Charlie is the same way. Lately she and my friends Melissa and Jen have been doing things differently and giving up certain habits and things because they feel doing it will send them to Hell. Loving someone of the same gender? Is that really a sin? I mean, you can't control who you love. Then you'd be lying (which is also against the bible). Saying shit or fuck? All you're doing is talking and expressing your feelings. Is the Bill of Rights against the bible now? Missing church because you have a life? You're going straight to Hell. What my friends also need to know, if they're reading this, is that I don't like being told what I am, what I'm not, what I believe in, and what I don't. That means don't try and tell me I SHOULD be Christian or I SHOULD go to church or that I AM going to Hell. I don't shove my beliefs down your throat, please don't shove yours down mine. post comment

Omg! [06 Feb 2008|08:40pm] I think that Rachel S. ass is better than Kylie's. post comment

Bitch [29 Jan 2008|09:17am] I can't believe Brooke is being such a bitch! Chelsea got the lead part, big deal! Brooke got the lead in Alice and then Portia in Cinderella! I think she can  sit back for once!! post comment

Totally contradicting myself [15 Jan 2008|04:24pm]  I don't understand. He says he hates his family and that they are unfair and stuff like that. Then I read his profile and he calls them his heroes. He talks about running away or moving out soon. If it's that bad do it. Don't talk about it just do it! Don't complain when it's not really that bad fucker! post comment

Hmm [12 Jan 2008|11:31am] I figured out that I really like him. I can't though. He has a girlfriend and he loves her. They can't..... But so many other people like him and they're all prettier then me. Hmm.  I don't know what to do anymore. This happens every time I fall for a guy. Either they're taken or they don't like me or they want to be "just friends" or they like one of my friends. This is so fucked up I swear. post comment

hmm [12 Jan 2008|09:30am] I can't believe the weird dream I had last night. I've had it before but HE's never been in it. Hmm. He had a gun and it seemed like he knew how to use it too. I hope this isn't a sign. I don't want him to get in trouble because of HER. Uh-oh mom's back bye post comment

well [09 Jan 2008|09:11pm]  I decided that I'm going to start using this more. Soo, I don't really know what to type as this was just a spur of the moment kind of thing. Well just expect more to be coming. -strike weird pose sort of thing- That was gay...oh well post comment

Third hour and lunch [03 Dec 2007|05:54pm] Today in third hour/lunch 1)Kylie "flirts" with Eric, Lei-Lei, and me. 2) Taylor breaks up with Kylie. 3) 10 minutes later Kylie and Mollie start dating. 4) Lei-Lei tells everyone except Taylor. 5)Taylor finds out and gets pissed. oh and I guessed alot of my friends bra sizes (probably the only fun thing about today) Yeah all of that happened between third hour and lunch. Awesome. post comment

[13 Oct 2007|10:25pm] Sorry I haven't been on in awhile. Here's a little update on me. I got a myspace. I'll be 14 in a week or so. I hate my parents my life right now. I might go see some of my favorite bands on the young wild things tour. My myspace name is my E Kantano Two more years 'til I can drive and four until I go to colloge or move or runaway. I'm still not sure. I will get into this more at a different time. A birthday gift--The bands are Fall Out Boy, Plain White T's, Cute Is What We Aim For, and Gym Class Heroes. It should be really fun, especially if I can curse with the music. That's it for now. XOXO E post comment

Myspace [05 Oct 2007|09:47pm] I got a myspace! post comment

[29 Sep 2007|09:43pm] [ mood | creative ]  Well, as you can all tell I have decorated my page a little. It took so fuckin' long though! I always thought Gaia profiles took forever but I was wrong! So yeah! I'll be doing stuff like this a lot. Oh! If anyone can explain if we can edit/customize/decorate our profiles and how would be really appreciated! Thanks everyone! ~E~ post comment

wtf [29 Sep 2007|07:21am] [ mood | tired ]  Why are you doing yardwork at 7:15 in the fuckin' morning!! post comment

Mollie [27 Sep 2007|09:07pm] [ mood | depressed ]  I'm getting so sick of this shit with Mollie. First she tells me I'm her best friend and that she's not sure that Eric and Desiree' are really her friends. Then she tells me that Adam was fake and she pushes me away and goes to Eric and Desiree'. I was really mad and then she came into class crying and I immediatly go over and give her a hug and try to comfort her. I turn for one second to get her some tissues and when I turn back she's gone. I go out of class to find her and she's standing in the middle of the hall looking for someone. As soon as I get to her Megan's hugging her so I settle for rubbing her back. All of her other friends push me back and start hugging her. That day I cried six times. That was the most I had ever cried in one day. Then she started avoid me like the plague. Then I wrote her a note saying how I would always be there for her no matter what and that I would always love her. She read it and then threw it at me. I was upset and told some of my friends and they asked to read it. "It sounds like you're breaking up with you girlfriend!" "It sounds like your first love!" "You sound like a lesbian!" "Hey! E the lesbian!" "Yeah! E the lesbian!"*  I was so upset and all they did was make me feel worse! I left and they didn't even try to follow me! Ugh! When will this shit ever end?! *I have nothing against Lesbians, Bi-sexual people, or Gay people. post comment

On the Other Side of the Mirror [26 Sep 2007|05:50pm] [ mood | tired ] Okay. This is just something I wrote for English class. It's probably not that good but tell me what you think anyway.    On the Other Side of the Mirror Soon it will all be over. Soon I will rid the world of this witch. Soon I will be the fairest of them all. _____________________________________________________________________________________ I wasn't always like this you know, wanting to kill and do evil. I was a nice, loving, amiable person once, just like her. Her. Snow White. Little miss sunshine, rainbows, and dwarves. What makes her so special anyway? Her ebony hair? Her blood red lips? Her skin as white as snow? I have those too you know! Is it because she's "nicer" than me? What made people think I was so mean anyway? Was it the apple? I actually thought that that was too nice. What I should have done was rip her heart out and watch her die in pain as her blood was slowly seeping out. But no. I had to have a conscious (yes I have one). I knew I shouldn't have been nice. The last time I did was when I married her father and kept her alive. I knew that that was a mistake. That's why I tried being so nice to her when her father…died. I gave her a home, food, clothing, and I didn't beat her. What more could a child? A prince charming? True love? Ha! Doesn't she realize that "true love" and "love at first sight" was something a fairy godmother made up so her ward could get away from her stepmother? Bippity, boppity, boo? Yeah that sounds like magic! Anyway, she just better hope I don't see her in the very near future! What? You thought I was dead? Correction. I'm only mostly dead, _____________________________________________________________________________________ "Father! Father! Something's wrong with mother! She's not waking up!" "I know darling." "Why aren't you helping?! Why are you-w-what?" "Victoria darling. Your mother was useless to me. You, however, are perfect." _____________________________________________________________________________________ Having a potions-master for a father definitely wasn't fun. I always had to test potions and, well, let's not get into how he got the money for the ingredients. My mother though, she was amazing! Kind, generous, beautiful…makes you wonder why she married my father. When she was mur- sorry died my whole world came crashing down. I was beaten and had to test potions and do other unmentionable things to stay on my father's good side-to stay alive. He got his though. _____________________________________________________________________________________ "Father, I've had enough of this! I'm done! I'm leaving and never coming back!" "You're leaving?! And where exactly are you going to go?!" "I don't care! Anywhere's better than here!" "No! You're not leaving!" "Get off of me! Let me go!" _____________________________________________________________________________________ That was the last conversation I ever had with my father. During the struggle a mirror fell and shattered. I grabbed a shard, slit his throat, stabbed his heart, and left. Five years later I was twenty-six, living happily and freely, and traveling around selling potions. That was when I met him. John, my first love. It was love at first sight, which I sadly believed in at the time. We were together a year, the longest time I had stayed in one town or with one person. I knew he loved me and I him, but…something didn't feel right. When we left the town to go on vacation I felt…complete. I then realized what I had to do. _____________________________________________________________________________________ "I don't understand. I thought you loved me." "I do but…I can't stay in this town. I have to leave." "I'll go with you! I'll go pack right now and-" "No! Your friends and family are here and the business is starting up, I wouldn't have the heart to make you leave! Please! Let me go! Move on! Please!" "…Is this goodbye forever?" "I'm afraid it is." "Well then… goodbye." "Goodbye, my almost lover." _____________________________________________________________________________________ I started traveling again. I sold potions and saw many more things. I got older, more mature, and realized I had to settle down. My first thoughts went to John. I went back to that little town only to hear that he was married to a queen in England. The thought that he had moved on had delighted me and terrified me at the same time. I went to the country he was in and found him heartbroken with a newborn. We saw each other often and two months after my return we were married. I kept the brat in love in respect for her mother and she was treated like the princess she was. A year later I caught John in bed with another woman. He said it was because she was the fairest maiden he had ever seen. I proceeded to murder them. I kept killing everyone "fairer than I after that until only one was left, little Snow White. Hmm and that's how the story goes. Well it seems as if my time is up and in a few moments I will be completely dead. I have one final piece of advice for all of you out there. "……" _____________________________________________________________________________________   The End 1 comment|post comment

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